Confessions

Less than 24 hours to go. 

That sudden thoughts that everyone's expecting me to be strong overwhelmed me. 

I felt so stressed out of a sudden. Or maybe I am already stressed out already. 

Omg sis why you made me so emo last night -.- 

Like really, ugh. 

Hey, 

Yeah, you. 

Can we stop doing this already? 

Please? 

What're you thinking? 

I confessed, I told you I did not get emotional because that particular reason? 

Please don't be mad 

Please don't think too much right now? 

You know I needed you with me....

For the past 19 years, 

I've been trying so hard to prove to the people outside that I can be really strong, despite my weak body. 

That's why I kept trying, and trying, and trying. 

Pretending, pretending and pretending to be happy and cheerful. 

Until I got myself into schizophrenia. 

But hey, 

I thought you'd started to put your trust on me? 

Isn't this fine enough? 

It's already the best thing happened to me yesterday. 

Time's ticking right now and I don't wanna lose any chance to do anything within my capabilities. 

I promised you I'd be strong, 

can you promise me you'd stay by my side? 

You told me not to step away from you, 

can you not hold yourself back from me?

We've been really positive and happy for the past weeks. 

Like really, 

I didn't hesitate, didn't force myself to.

Everything just comes together naturally. 

For once, 

I found someone who can let me stop pretending to be happy, or strong.

I found a reason for me to be strong by my own.

I really don't want to stop this right now. 

I hope you get it. 

And thanks sis,

Please don't go 'fasting' for me for god sake

I really don't want that. 

It's already sufficient for me, knowing that there're people 

supporting me. 

I'll be back. 

I'm sure. 

This is what I'm going to do 

and what I believed in. 

Can we now stop thinking and making things sadder 

and go have a nice dinner together spend the rest of the day happily? 

Day One Entry: Oct 12, 2012

Confusion

The mixed feelings of happiness and sadness.
Honestly I don't know what am I thinking right now. I felt so clueless.
I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.

I'm so sorry sis.
I didn't wanna make you feel sad.
Sigh.
You and Jyen just made my day so much better you know?
I am so sorry, and so honored to have known both of you.

I know I shouldn't think pessimistic right now. Or no, I can't do that right now at this moment.
I can't screw up everything.
And I don't wanna become someone who's irresponsible. Especially after seeing that tweet.

All of a sudden I felt so stressed. I think, it's some new found strength for me this time, telling me that this time, I have all of you with me pushing me forward.

Hey,
You ah, don't think too much.
I'll be right beside you giving you answers for all your questions kay?
You promised me before that you'd learn to rely on me, don't think that I've forgotten that.
We're really doing good already. Don't stop this.

So. I've decided not to fix any 'last words thingy this time' cause imma be ok. Haha.

Maybe,
This time,
I'll be optimistic for once.

27° Mostly Cloudy
Penang. 

Yi Jun Lio 

Sent from my iPhone

Day One Entry: Oct 11, 2012

Simplicity

For the first time,
I know something I've been wanting to know for this past one month.
Thank you.

Yeah
You can have thousands of friends on your Facebook,
Or you can know thousands of people and have hundreds of likes on every single status or Instagram photos of yours

But I don't care

I don't have thousands of friends on my Facebook, neither do I have known thousands of people (or maybe I did) XD

What I know is that I have you,
And a few really really close friends that are supporting me
Right now, right at this moment.

That's more than enough for me.

Teehee.

25° Mostly Cloudy
Georgetown, Pinang, Malaysia

Yi Jun Lio 

Sent from my iPhone

Day One Entry: Oct 10, 2012

Woots.

Hello princess.

25° Mostly Cloudy
Lorong Delima 10, Georgetown, Pinang, Malaysia

Yi Jun Lio 

Sent from my iPhone

It's 6 am and I want to be lying next to you
with our hands locked together,
and our legs intertwined.

I want your face buried in my neck,
and I want to listen to your breathing.

I want you to wake up and tell me
"I'm so tired'
because I want to whisper
"Go back to sleep"
and I want to hold you tighter when you do.

I want to lie in bed alone with you,
in the comforting quiet of the early morning hours,
and maybe read a book while you sleep.

I want to be simple with you,
and I want to be whatever you need me to be.

=)

I think I love you

Running thoughts, 

mixture of happiness and sadness.

ah

Woke up to her voice is like 

the best thing ever... 

Please don't stop doing this... 

I guess.

I'm addicted to it already.

Law paper 1,

did okay. yeah. just okay. 

Not much time anyway,

might as well as not waste that one last minute. LOL. 

Went to Tsyuruya Shabu Shabu with her. 

We 

Coincidentally wore the same shirt...

Hahaha.

Both of us didn't thought of wearing it.. 

and we end up 

wearing the same shirt. 

I'm so.. so happy. HAHA

We then spent some time in Borders,

squandering around,

looking for books. 

Korean! Imma learn you! HAHA

Told her so much stuffs during the way back home. 

I officially 

told her everything about myself. 

and 

I don't wanna stop all these right now. 

Meeting afterwards. 

Told the team about the operation already. 

I don't know what to say.

They were shocked as well, well. 

except loon. As usual la. 

It's also her first time joining us for meeting. 

Everything's smooth but 

hey, 

you should voice out your thoughts next time alright? 

I mean, 

if you have any? =P

Hey,

I am sorry... 

for being so irresponsible... 

for being so pessimist...

for being so immature...

Promises are still promises.

I am sorry for really being an ass. 

Please don't be mad. 

I want to be your support,

I want to go KL with you

I want to learn Korean with you

I want to go Korea with you

I want to go to Universal Studio with you

I want to be by your side 

I want to hold your hands 

I want to hug you 

I want to wake up with you beside me 

and 

I want to be your answer for everything 

and so, so much more

I'm serious. 

I'm going to be alright 

And 

We're going Korea together

okay with my sis -.-.

Okay? 

I love you. I really do,

and I'll never ever

let the dream come true. 

 

Subway day

Hahah

She 'finally' managed to wake up for jogging.
HAHAHA
This time it was me who didn't manage to wake up
but mehh..

Didn't bring out and eat that one last pill
end up having really serious stomachache
and vomited all around in the public toilet =O
what's worse?
she's mad at me. ugh

Went to the subway at e-gate afterwards.
I think,
it's been quite a long time since i last had subway
the one in NTU Singapore. haha

We talked a lot while eating.
serious matters...

I must admit,
I rushed, at first...
but not anymore?
At least, for the past week...

Maybe my psychologist was right...
I rushed in everything I do..
but I guess
I'm just too afraid of turning back and not see you there..

I hate you, so so much,
I hate it when we talk like this cause it made me thought a lot,
but I knew a lot more about you after..
it's like
the shortest way to know more about you yourself.
without me guessing all the way..

No, I'm not a clone,
and yes, you're still, sometimes, immature in my eyes.
I don't know how to explain this..
I just know...

There're times when I'm mad,
but I'm glad that when it happens,
you're always capable of calming me down.
You're really one of a kind uh..

Just do what we're doing right now
It's more than enough to start all over.
Trust me
cause it just will.

Hey, this saturday is cod fish day alright?
Check your calendar and you'll ask. HAHA

And,
thank you brandon!
=D