我心裡也有的忐忑

時間跟我說會好的

決心放好了 這一次非你不可

若這不是愛 那有過的是什麼

寂寞時你像個貝殼

閉上眼 你倔強地摀住雙耳

背對背地坐著 我們用沉默在拉扯

看誰的淚先輸掉拔河

愛我時你不夠嚴格

總忘了 能夠牽手多麼難得

我不怕生命有挫折 不怕回憶會有皺摺

唯有你說要放棄 我不願附和

你心裡有多少忐忑

交給我去用力抱著

雙手還有熱 或許能喚起你的不捨

有一天我們傷的心會癒合

心裡的忐忑

抱著慢慢就會好的

感動都有了 還有什麼不認可

不准我們把愛 給走成了坎坷

如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住

那世界末日已來到

不需要等到地球毀滅掉 的那天

別怕太快樂

別怕失去我

面對最愛自己的人，反而懷疑自己；在最幸福的日子裡，永遠擔心失去；
失去了之後，才懂得當時獲得了什麼；懷念的時候，才更加珍惜當下的美好。
總在毀滅後重生，在淚水裡領悟，在掙扎中篤定。那是愛情才有的。

Trust & Flashbacks

So yeah, I'm back.

Operation went well, obviously.
I woke up at 4 in the morning.
But the sedation was still strong, managed to send out one message before i slept back. Haha.

Thanks sis, I know what're you trying to tell me,
or you're trying to wake me up
But I really insist on trying.
I don't want myself to fell into the same shit every time.

Okay.

Yes, I can't send you a picture that time.
Yes, both of them got stuck,
Yes, you don't trust me.

我觉得你已经有你的决定了
是我一直在执著。
我给你全世界都没有的信任
为什么
我不能要回一样的东西？
更何况，这手术，是差不多全部靠近我的人都知道的
其实，
你怀疑什么？
你在等什么？

我说过，
我不要成为你的包袱。
我要你依赖我。
我没有为你刻意去改变什么
为什么你要去改变你自己呢？

You said it's weird without my texts.
You said you don't want me to step away from you
You said you'd want us to start from our own comfort zone
You said I'm now your only reason
You said you enjoy to be with me

Where've you been?
You asked me to not be irresponsible...
Then why the fuck are you doing them now?
Why are you holding back?

Do you know and realize
How lucky you are
And please stop telling me how lucky i am.
I know.
If both of us are lucky in our own ways.
Why can't we fucking accept the fact that we have fell in this together and move on?

Why the fuck are you trying to ruin things up?
I got strong because of you
Why can't you do the same?

Shouldn't you be thinking that
thank god your past moved on,
so they left room in your life for someone who's right for you?
and now you didn't wanna try?

我让自己习惯了你的一切
你却不习惯身边有我的存在

不要告诉我
就当作是你辜负我
我不会接受这样荒唐的理由
那不是你
如果在新加坡我没有怀疑你
我们今天还在牵着对方的手
还是很甜蜜的在一起

我对你还是很执著
许下的承诺我也会去实现
这次不会让你
不负责任。
你说你是一个很固执的人，
不承认自己犯错了，
直到无法再错了才要回头求助

所以这次我不会让你这样子.

第一次牵你的手说过要对你主动，
现在就主动了。
你就不要想太多了

我就是一个

K fine I finished what I've wanted to say
Emo finish le.
Time to get back to work.

Sorry for the long post. Hah

Vena Solis, I'm back.

Hi

You started to put your trust on me,
You don't want me to step away from you,
You don't allow me to just leave your world like this.

Yes,
All the stuffs you've told me,
I did not forget every single one of them.

I'll be back.

That's it.

At least, now,
I know how you felt and I got all my answers for you.

Day One Entry: Oct 13, 2012

…..

I thought everything will be simple
I thought everything will be alright
I thought everything will be sweet
I thought its you and me.

No.
It's just me. Always me.

I actually hope that by telling you how I felt,
You'd at least try to make me happy.
And not like this. You just won't understand how much every single words of yours could make or break my day. 

Sis, I tried.
But I failed

I'm so unhappy.
Really really saddening.

It's like.
Everything came against me.
Why'd the singer sang that song
Reminds me of that night
We were singing and playing songs

Everything's so simple and sweet.

Can I have just one more night like that?

I don't know I've repeated how many times. But meh. I'll just say it one last time.

Hey, I think I love you.

I wanna be responsible.
Can you stop holding back?
Let everything go naturally?

=(

Pulau Jerejak, Pinang, Malaysia

Yi Jun Lio 

Sent from my iPhone

Confessions

Less than 24 hours to go. 

That sudden thoughts that everyone's expecting me to be strong overwhelmed me. 

I felt so stressed out of a sudden. Or maybe I am already stressed out already. 

Omg sis why you made me so emo last night -.- 

Like really, ugh. 

Hey, 

Yeah, you. 

Can we stop doing this already? 

Please? 

What're you thinking? 

I confessed, I told you I did not get emotional because that particular reason? 

Please don't be mad 

Please don't think too much right now? 

You know I needed you with me....

For the past 19 years, 

I've been trying so hard to prove to the people outside that I can be really strong, despite my weak body. 

That's why I kept trying, and trying, and trying. 

Pretending, pretending and pretending to be happy and cheerful. 

Until I got myself into schizophrenia. 

But hey, 

I thought you'd started to put your trust on me? 

Isn't this fine enough? 

It's already the best thing happened to me yesterday. 

Time's ticking right now and I don't wanna lose any chance to do anything within my capabilities. 

I promised you I'd be strong, 

can you promise me you'd stay by my side? 

You told me not to step away from you, 

can you not hold yourself back from me?

We've been really positive and happy for the past weeks. 

Like really, 

I didn't hesitate, didn't force myself to.

Everything just comes together naturally. 

For once, 

I found someone who can let me stop pretending to be happy, or strong.

I found a reason for me to be strong by my own.

I really don't want to stop this right now. 

I hope you get it. 

And thanks sis,

Please don't go 'fasting' for me for god sake

I really don't want that. 

It's already sufficient for me, knowing that there're people 

supporting me. 

I'll be back. 

I'm sure. 

This is what I'm going to do 

and what I believed in. 

Can we now stop thinking and making things sadder 

and go have a nice dinner together spend the rest of the day happily?